At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.
So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.
She refused to fix my grade.
In the end, she shit herself on stage.
I didn’t regret it.
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming homeLet the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming
Well then, let me show you, because that’s what I do for a living.
Right now, it’s this time of the year, and the little ones have just freshly hatched:
You’ll notice they’re still blind and naked when they hatch. So I make them little coats…
do you ever hear a line in a song and it’s just so painfully clever you just sit there in shock for the remainder of the song
everybodys dad has a weird obsession with something
the family business
dragonborn at their finest
DO YOU HAVE SHORT HAIR??
IS YOUR SHORT HAIR STRAIGHT AND DOESNT HAVE VOLUME?
DO YOU WANT VOLUPTUOUS WAVY HAIR LIKE ALL THOSE OTHER CUTE KIDS WITH SHORT HAIR?
DO YOU WANT HAIR LIKE THOSE CUTE ASS PICTURES OF ME ABOVE THIS?
THEN BOY DO I HAVE THE PRODUCT FOR YOU
THIS SHIT IS THE GODDAMN BEES KNEES
FOR LONG HAIR IT MAKES THAT SHIT ALL WAVY BUT DAMN CAN THIS BE USED FOR SHORT HAIR. IT GIVES IT TEXTURE. IT GIVES IT VOLUME. IT MAKES IT GODDAMN WAVY AND BEAUTIFUL.
BEST WAY TO DO IT? TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE BED, SPRAY THIS SHIT ALL UP IN YOUR HAIR, BLOWDRY THAT SHIT TILL ITS ALL DRY WITH YOUR HEAD UPSIDEDOWN, THEN SLEEP ON THAT MOTHER FUCKER LIKE NO ONES BUSINESS. THE MORE BED HEAD THE BETTER.
WAKE UP AND TAME THAT SHIT WITH YOUR FINGERS. YOURE GOOD TO GO FOR THE DAY FRIEND AND YOUR HAIR WILL LOOK FLAWLESS AND WAVY ALL GODDAMN DAY CONGRATS
BEST PART? THIS SHIT IS LIKE $5.
(THIS COMPANY ALSO MAKES A DAMN GOOD DRY SHAMPOO FOR THE DAYS WHERE YOU JUST DONT WANNA SHOWER BUT YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREASY AS FUCK. THIS COMPANY IS THE SHIT SO FAR AND I WANNA TRY MORE OF THEIR PRODUCTS AND PLAN TO.)
this guy was watching the vmas with me and now he’s educating himself how precious is that
he keeps asking me all these questions about aspects of feminism and he’s like “so basically it’s about letting women do what they want without being judged for it” and I was like yea and he was like “oh okay that’s so simple why isn’t everyone a feminist” it’s precious
update: I banged him
oh my god
is trying to bury
in the dog’s fur
and the dog is just like
but i’m not designed for that
NO WINDOWS I JUST WANT TO FORCE QUIT A PROGRAM DONT TRY TO LOOK FOR A SOLUTION ACCEPT DEATH AND FACE OBLIVION
wanting to draw things but not having the energy to put effort into drawings